Before departing from Lancre for Princess (Queen) Keli‘s birthday party, the Told Ones learned that children from the town were disappearing in large numbers, mostly boys, but also the princess, daughter of King Verence and Queen Magrat, but unfortunately the next available train to Sto Lat would not leave until the next day, and they would miss the celebration. Desperate not to miss a good shindig, the Told One’s decided, hey, those children will still be missing when we get back to Lancre, amirite, let’s PARTY!
The Told Ones journeyed by train to Sto Lat for Princess Keli’s party, and in the absence of any external disasters, the Told Ones themselves wrought mayhem on the train: Loki with her horse who pooped in the train, Declan with his fast and erratic driving of the train, Beau with his cheating for Dialyn‘s sake at cards in an attempt to impress her, and then their and Sen’dai’s beating of the gamblers who just wanted a fair game. With heroes like these, amirite? The group also learned about Old Stump, which is Rimward and full of bugbear bandits.
Once in Sto Lat (which looks like Paris but smells like cabbage) the gang encountered Slit-Me-Own-Neck Dibbleaux, who proffered “cabbausages” (or sauSAGE cabBAGE). Upon Beau’s great insistence, everybody tried one, and almost everybody (a’hem, Deck) was able to keep them down. Dibbler told them that if ever the entire group was all together able to stomach his (or any of his cousins’) sausages, they would be privy to the secret of some great big sausage thing, I don’t know, it seemed weird and, like, who really wants it anyway, but there it is.
The group learned that fancy dress would be required for entry to the party, and so they went to a fancy clothing shop and those that needed them bought fancy clothes. Declan then went off to look for toads in the woods. It was gross and took a while, but he did it. He began to doubt the necessity of the witches’ strange requests. Dialyn and Loki went to the castle to acquire invitations to the party. There they scoped the lay of the land and set up sound equipment for Loki’s performance. Sen’dai and Beau paid a visit to Beau’s old fighting school, the Academy of Battlemasters. Did we mention Beau is classically trained? Yes? Well he’s ALSO classically trained. There they encountered Beau’s old teacher, Master Lewis, who informed them that the Consensual Rapier has been stolen and currently resides in Klatch. Beau’s old rivals, Stephen Serendipity and Ricardo Imperfecto, were racist assholes to our heroes, who then challenged said assholes to a dual, but quickly learned that not all battles are easily won.
The group reconvened, and Declan received a Clacks from his honorable Mayor Donkeyteeth, Esq. of Pseudopolis, stating that the Marquis de Sod had never made it to town, to which Declan responded by sending another Clacks to Duke Rodley of Quirm asking for clarification. The Told Ones then entered the party, which was attended by a vast array of colorful characters from around the Disc. Representatives from Tsort and Ephebe (Athens and Troy) were placed at tables across the room from each other but still made evil eyes at each other the whole time since they are at war over a very beautiful woman (DEFINITELY not named Helen), as was the case for the Uberwaldian werewolves (head family of the pack is Sgnt. Angua of the Anhk-Morpork City Watch. Her brother Wolfgang is itching for war with the…) and vampires (Count Redeyes, who abruptly left after receiving some unfortunate news, and Lady Margolotta, who was disheartened by the absence of a great old friend of hers from the party, a friend of high stature from Anhk-Morpork). Other contingents included a man with eyeliner and an ornate headdress from Djelibeybi (Egypt); Madame Butterfly from the Counterweight Continent (Asia) who Sen’dai gleaned seemed like she might also be aware that the Order of the Hare is attempting to lead A’Tuin astray; Lord Rust and guards from Anhk-Morpork, who mentioned Lord Vetinari had not been showing up to his typical obligations, and explained that the trains were no longer running to Anhk-Morpork because they had closed their borders due to a sudden large influx of people; King Verence and Queen Magrat, who were very distraught over the disappearance of their daughter, and accompanied by a witch-ish lady from Genua; two mates from XXXX getting pissed, wearing shark teeth necklaces and big hats, who may as well have been riding dingos; two people documenting the scene from the Anhk-Morpork Times; Duke Rodley of Quirm, who informed Declan that the Marquis de Sod had been dispatched weeks ago, and that a spate of disappearances along the route he was to take had been occurring; a group of religious-looking men with pamphlets; a group of dwarves with ornate armor and long beards; and an empty table from Pseudopolis. Whew…
Dialyn snuck around the castle, where she found her way to Queen Keli’s chambers. Armed with her knowledge of sewing and very clever and obedient rainbow-feathered owl, she helped to mend Keli’s dress and get her ready for the party, whose attendees had been growing very weary since food would not be served until Keli arrived. The group then skill-challenged the shit out of the party, preparing the guest of honor and quelling the mob from rioting. Keli made her grand entrance, and as per Sto Latian tradition, served dessert first in the form of a large Ferrari cake, which is way better than an Acura cake, let me tell you. Queen Keli was so happy at how well the party went off, she rewarded the Told Ones with gold, magic items, and each with a free voucher for any fancy article of clothing at any shop in the kingdom that they should desire. That is, of course, in addition to the mystical “Faerune” stone given to them by Magrat, which may hold the key to finding her daughter…but, as all good Side Quests go, can only be deciphered by a powerful cosmic being.
Sen’dai also tracked some thieves leaving the scene headed for Ankh-Morpork, and the Told Ones finally left the party and got some rest. They ventured the next day to the “Learning Through Play” School which Keli had told them was run by the daughter of her dear deceased friends Mort & Ysabell, and as they approached the front door, Beau deciphered the Latin-esque inscription on the door (did we mention he’s classically trained??):
Don’t Fear The Reaper.